EGG EATING
by Bill Boas

People really are different. Take the way they eat eggs for
instance. A mealtime staple, folks eat eggs scrambled, as an
omelet, poached, coddled, fried, boiled, baked, basted, deviled,
and other endless varieties. Some even drink them raw.

The best time and place to see people eating eggs is, of course, at
breakfast. It could be at home, a swanky hotel, or a neighborhood
greasy spoon. Astute egg eater observers note that the ritual 
is divided between how eggs are ordered and prepared, and how they
are eaten.

People who order poached eggs are distinctly different from those 
who order them `over easy.' Poached egg people tend to be somewhat 
snobbish and trendy. They probably also like to irritate the cook and
break his routine during the morning rush by ordering poached when the
menu says `two eggs any style, toast, hash browns, and coffee.' 

Then again maybe they're simply doing a social study of the aplomb
with which poached egg orders are taken and served by the eatery. 

I don't know anyone with the moxie to order `coddled eggs' under
the `any style' menu invitation. Coddled eggs in anything but the
fanciest places are rare - it takes special cooking gear.

People who order fried eggs `sunnyside' are different from those
who order them `over easy' or `over hard.' Probably people who call
for sunnyside are more venturesome. Then, of course, there is the
`soft-scrambled' and `hard-scrambled' factions. 

Of course, the boiled set have their hard and soft devotees as
well. Baked eggs in a hollowed out English muffin are beyond the
present discussion - but one should be aware of them as a category.

Eating eggs is a show all its own. Watch the fried egg eater. Some
take a knife and fork and cut them all up before eating. Why not
order scrambled in the first place? 

Some break the fried yoke immediately for no apparent reason.
Others stab the yoke with the ends of the toast and eat the
yoke with the toast, bite by bite. 

Some eat away the white part, piece by piece, leave the yoke for last,
break it and sop it up with the toast.

Others break the yoke and sop it up with the hash browns or grits.
Some take the lonely yoke and eat it in one fell swoop without
breaking it. The English are said to do that. 

Some people don't eat the whites at all, some not the yoke. Some
scrambled egg eaters pile them on the toast like an open faced
sandwich. 

The diversity of egg eaters is truly astonishing and could be the
foundation of a new personality appraisal science for prospective
husbands, wives, employees, lovers, dates, and new acqaintances.

Social critics, psychologists, and government `profilers' take note.