From: "Shane H. W. Travis" Subject: Pong FAQ v0.01 Someone asked about Pong, so I thought they'd find this useful : --- Pong FAQ v0.01 This document copyright 1994 by Ben Parrish For updates and corrections, contact pinback@netcom.com o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o Q. What's that little white thing on the left of the screen? A. That is a "paddle". It is used to bounce the "ball" out of your end of the screen. Q. What's that little white thing on the right of the screen? A. That's the other paddle, of course. Your opponent uses it for the same purpose as your own. Q. What's the little dot moving around the screen? A. That's the "ball", obviously. The object of all your affections. Keep it from going by your "paddle". Q. What's a "paddle"? A. It's the little white thing on the- hey, don't mess with my head. Q. Hahaha, I can't believe you fell for it... A. Shut up. You ask the questions, dummy. Q. How do you win? A. You get the ball by your opponent's paddle 15 times, before he does the same to you. Q. What are the "secret moves"? A. If you rotate the knob left, your paddle will go up. If you rotate the knob right, it will go down. (Reverse for opposite side) Also, you can morph into Kano by doing a left-left-left-right combo. Q. Wrong game. Try alt.games.mk. A. Oh yeah, sorry. Q. I move the knob, but my paddle doesn't do what I tell it to do. Why not? A. Did you put in a quarter? Q. Yes. A. Did you press "start"? Q. Oops. OK, now I get it. Hey, you just asked ME two questions. Why aren't YOU "Q" and ME "A"? A. I think you just answered your own question. Q. That's a little paradoxical for my tastes. A. Should I leave you alone for a moment to let you compose yourself? Q. No, I'm OK now. Can I ask one more question? A. Sure. Q. Why is this being written in the first place? A. Your guess is as good as mine. o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o ================================================ Newsgroups: comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.strategic From: pinback@netcom.com (Ben Parrish) Subject: Re: Pong FAQ v0.01 Pong Faq 0.02 Update o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o Q. Why would my opponent want to bounce the "ball" out of my end of the screen? A. Don't be a wiseguy. Nobody likes a wiseguy. Q. Sure they do. A. Not in the middle of a FAQ, they don't. Q. Yeah, but this isn't a real FAQ, you know. You're just using this as an excuse to be silly and waste time, probably due to deep-seated psychological insecurities and general discontentment with your existence. A. What's your point? Q. My point was, you should be worrying less about all of your wonderful "balls" and "paddles" and make a concerted effort to mend your ways and find something in life that will bring you true satisfaction and a better sense of well-being. A. You mean like, Master of Magic? Q. You're not getting this at all. Let's set up another appointment next week so we can talk about this further. You have a long way to go, but there IS a light at the end of this tunnel, and the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. A. I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see me this way...I- Q. Don't worry about it. I'm here for you, man. We're all friends here. A. I love you guys. o o o o o o o o o This document copyri-, oh, screw it. o o o o o o o o ================================================== Newsgroups: comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.strategic From: pinback@netcom.com (Ben Parrish) Subject: Pong FAQ 0.03 Update Pong FAQ 0.03 (Update) This document, as always, copyright 1994 by Ben Parrish So don't copy it without my permission. Oh, go ahead... o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o Q. A few people have started asking their own questions for inclusion in the FAQ. They all are preying on the easy target of this entire production's inherent irony, in attempt to be cute, or funny. Do you have any comment on this? A. I'm all for it. I've learned from my mistakes, though. I used to answer every question that came down the pike, never stopping to think if they were asked in jest or not, and only came to my senses after the rather humiliating experience of hearing them snickering behind my back about how obtuse I seemed to be. It hurt me deeply, but as they say, that which does not kill us... Q. What about the guy who suggested you move this to a "more appropriate" newsgroup? A. If he does not believe strategy is an integral part of correct Pong play, he is deluding himself, and shielding himself from attaining a higher understand of the science - nay, the art - that is Pong. Q. What about the guy who wanted a repost? A. I'll repost when I'm damn good and ready, and not one second before. Q. You seem sort of hostile today. I thought we were all friends here. A. Friends can allow a friend to have an off-day. As I've explained before, these have been emotionally trying times. Because of that, I haven't been able to commit enough time to my Pong duties as I would like. This, in turn, depresses me further. It's a dangerous, self-destructive spiral. Friends will help break the chain. Q. We'll do what we can, I'm sure. A. I really appreciate that. I only hope that some day, I'll be able to reciprocate in kind. Q. Would it help if I asked some Pong questions? A. That's...that's real big of ya. Q. OK. Let's try this one : Are there bonus rounds in Pong? A. Q. Hello? A. I'm sorry...I guess I'm really having trouble focusing. I've not the energy or the motivation right now to answer Pong questions. I'd rather remain silent than tarnish the beauty of Pong by answering insufficiently or incorrectly. Fears...fears. I'm becoming paralyzed by them. Q. Should we take another break? You've been having a tough time lately. A. Maybe I better. When can we try again? Q. How about tomorrow, same time. A. Sounds good. Again, I'm sorry about this. Q. Don't be sorry. This isn't just about Pong. This is about you. Just be happy, if you can. A. I'll try... o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o ====================================================== Newsgroups: comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.strategic From: pinback@netcom.com (Ben Parrish) Subject: Pong FAQ 0.04 Pong FAQ 0.04 - A Seemingly Daily Update This document copyright 1994 by Ben Parrish Not to be taken internally. o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o Q. You ready to talk to us today? A. Absolutely. I'm trying to keep a positive view of things, and not be so gloomy and depressed all the time. It can't be healthy. So let's get to it! Let's talk Pong!! Q. Nice to see you're feeling a little better. OK, let's get back to the question we brought up yesterday - Are there bonus rounds in Pong? A. No. The game ends once one player reaches 15 points. After that, it's over. Q. As is popular with today's one-on-one games, does the winner get to continue playing? A. No, sir. It's over for both players. More play requires more quarters. Q. So there's no advantage to winning? A. Winning is its own reward. Like air hockey, which Pong is most similar to. Like chess. Like... Q. Like...life? A. Oh, you see right through me, don't you...Yeah, like life. Q. You don't sound too happy about it. A. Well...I dunno. I mean, think about it. Try to look at life like a game of Pong. We're all our own little paddles, swatting around figurative balls all over the place, and for what purpose? Money? Fame? Power? Q. It depends on what each individual considers "winning", I guess. A. Well, of course...but take it even further. No matter who wins, or who loses, when the game's over, it's over for everyone. Think about chess a little. A friend of mine once noted that the King's greatest fear in chess is not to lose, but to win! Q. He fears winning? A. He fears winning over all. Because when the game has ended, and his glory is at its peak - he dies. The players wrest him from his victorious dominion, and throw him in a box, where the life quickly dissipates from his being - for that which has no purpose, and no hope, cannot truly be alive. Q. Aren't you waxing a bit anthropomorphic? A. Am I? Consider it. Who welcomes death more, he with everything to live for, or he with nothing to live for? Q. What are you saying? We should strive to lose at Pong? A. Should we strive to win, if winning itself would destroy us? Q. That's irrelevant in this context. In life, again as in Pong, perhaps it's not WINNING that's its own reward...but playing. A. But don't we desire to set goals? I mean, ULTIMATE goals; what we want to accomplish in life. And what then is the point of these goals, when in truth the end negates any value of anything we do? Q. The questions you're asking are not new. But the fact remains, you are here, and you ARE playing the game. I told you yesterday to try to be happy, and that's what each of us has to do for ourselves. Do not live only to win the game. Live for each and every POINT. And there's a lot more than 15 points in life. You'll have hundreds, thousands of them each and every day. Won or lost, try to savor each volley. Think not of the end...but of the means! A. That's beautiful. Inspiring. How'd you get to be so smart? Q. Played a lot of Pong. The graphics are two dimensional, but the game has depth you'd never imagine. A. You wanna play a game, just for fun? Q. Absolutely. I'd never turn down a challenge like that. A. Great...here's a quarter. o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o