Clay lambasted Sheen on video
Take it to him. A class act!
Can't sleep, jokes keep smashing
My brain. Gotta write Dice some lines:
[Put the children to bed
It might get rough]
Welcome DICE!
(Lighting cigarette)
Alright
Hickory dickory dock
The farmer fed his cock
And hen, corn at 4:00 AM
Speaking of farmers,
I visited Kansas recently --
Yeah, I saw Dorothy and Toto
Riding their bikes!
Mile after mile of farmland,
Grain elevators everywhere:
What a bunch of corn-shuckers
They have in Kansas.
Have you heard the new thing,
"Tweeter sex"?
The Bass blew.
Gotta get that speaker fixed.
I'm into high-fidelity,
But my kids can't keep their hands
Off the tone controls:
0 Bass, 0 Treble, Loudness ON.
Little "Bass-tards" --
I need one of those "Audiophile"
Amps with no buttons.
That would teach 'em!
Some joker sent me a T-shirt --
Like I don't have boxes of Gold's
Gym T-shirts in my basement!
What a jerk. The shirt says:
"Nietzsche Gym: What doesn't kill me,
Makes me stronger" -- Yeah right!
Step in front of a truck, Buddy,
See how that feels!
I was in New York last month.
Went down by Ground Zero
Thinking they must be rebuilding
The towers by now: ZIP --
Not a brick above the rubble.
Where's (what's his name?)
Minoru Yamasaki.
Get him to build another set.
Yeah I drive quite a bit,
But lately I'm getting dizzy --
Civil engineers must have "got the memo".
Pretty soon there'll be a traffic
Circle on every corner!
A guy comes into my gym.
On his forehead is a tattoo of a trout.
I stare at it.
He says: "What are you looking at?!"
I tell him: "You look like something
I let-go in Lake Erie."
Tattoos are for people who
Don't have enough scars.
I saw the "Tyson" movie.
Big Mike gets out of prison and
Gets into a verbal altercation,
Swearing like a drunken frat boy.
I met my match.
You can't shock people anymore.
What is truly shocking is when a jerk
Reins it in and says: "Enough!"
Did you see my movie "Brain Smasher"
With the lovely Teri Hatcher?
That's what I'm all about now --
A big lovable guy.
Just don't phuck with me.
26-March-2011