Subject: Comet Hi-Karate/Center of the Universe

From: [email-masked] (Bob Smyth)
Date: 1 Apr 1996 03:39:16 -0700

Bob "ASS-Cisser" Smyth here in SF CAlif.

Where do I start?

How about March 25 about 10pm.

I'm out jogging on the golf course.  I look up at the big dipper
and start a visual quest for the comet "Hi-Karate" mentioned
by David in his comet post.

Sure enough it was there!  It formed the best image when I looked at
the big dipper rather than directly at the comet.  Perhaps I was
experiencing a phoenomena (sp?) that is more clear in my peripheral
vision than looking at it dead on.  Somewhat similar to many
experiences I've had in the front the front row of NY Live at mbt.

Consider the following scenario.  I'm in the front row.  The woman
(who is drop dead gorgeous btw - otherwise I'd be in the movie room)
is in her second set; aka the Gyno Set(tm).

I don't want the on-stage stripper to think I'm a total perv.  So
when she spreads her legs and shows me her most naked part I never
lean forward and get a closer look.  Instead, I look into her eyes.

I have been in a situation, however, where the stripper WANTED me to
get a very good view at the "goodies".  Chez Paree to be exact.
I was sitting in the "high mileage" area (next to Bubba if memory serves
me right).  A short green eyed nymph comes out and does her thang.
In the third set, she comes over towards me and lays back.  She starts
stroking the tender area which has become home to a clit ring.
My saliva glands start acting up.  She beckons me by crooking her
right index finger.  I lean forward.  She gets closer.  I lean forward.
She gets closer.  I lean forward. She gets closer.  I lean forward.
She places her heel on the back of my head and pulls my face even closer.
I try lean back but her calf muscles are strong enough to keep my
head in place (check 'em out next time you are there).  Then she leans
back so I could not see into her eyes if I wanted to.  All there is,
is Kat Kat.

Well enough about celestial objects.  Let us talk about the real center
of the Universe which of course is ... my dick.

Fast forward to 3/29/96 X-files has just finished.  Nothing too
significant about the episode except it was set in SF CAlif.

As usual, Scully gave me a hard-on but beats me why.  By 10:10 I'm
on 280 headed north.  First stop, mbt@polk&ofarrel.com.
Place was bustling with lots of people.  Nina Hartley was there
with a tall blond beautiful slender hard body female side-kick.

Others will probably post a review so I'll not bother.  I'm sure it
was okay if you dont mind being in the middle of a large pack of
noisy pushy smelly guys.  I watched a few minutes and started a
quest for elbow room.  I checked out the Ultra Room.  Sure 'nuf.
the girls were getting into the booths with the guys and closing
the curtains.  Every minute or so, the girls would throw crumpled
$20s into the main money collection area.  Sometimes a pair of
female breasts and a smiling face would pierce the curtain
shroud.  Meaning of course that some pulsing hard-on was pressed
against some smooth female cheeks.

At that point my dick tried to grab control of my wallet so I left
in hope that he'd settle down.

I had my ASS-C pin proudly displayed in case anyone there from the
internet world wanted an autograph from Bob "a legend in his own mind"
Smyth.  Also I had on my Pajamas to make me really stand out.  But,
I guess Nina & her blond babe are a hard act to follow.

Next stop, the movie room.  The movie was called "Sue".  The
male lead had a big dick and a Doug Lee hair cut.  He gotta fuck the
female lead who was blond and beautiful.  The oral sex looked real
yummy.  Eventually they engaged about 15 minutes of intercourse.

She made him wear a rubber.  You know rubbers aren't so bad.
Its kinda nice if you got one on and you ooze out a little come.
Then your dick starts sliding around in there.  Especially if
you have a big dick and a Doug Lee hair cut and you gotit buried
into some porno queen's naturally wet cunt.  She's got her hands
pulling on your butt and she's saying, "Bob Smyth, fuck me harder,
come on Bob 'stud boy' Smyth I want you to fuck me harder and
rub my hungry cunt raw."

Ya right, Bob.  Dream on.
By then my dick grabed control of my wallet.

My dick shelled out a few bucks for a couple lap dances from
un-inspired lap women.  I felt ripped off so I put a stop to it.

I checked out free-bee shows in kopenhagen and green door.

I then left.  I drove down o-farrell to Mason and parked next to
the CP.  In the 6 minutes I spent on o-farrell I must have
had 6 fender-bender close calls.  I hate driving in SF.  I love
driving on 280.  I hope I never hit a deer at 90mph.

CP was fun.  The ASS-Con 1 convention was off to an early start.
David was kind enough to buy me a lap dance from Kat.  She was real
nice to me and I kept feeding her $20s.  Eventually she wore me out so
I wandered back to the main room where a group of people gathered;
tapping their feet.  Turns out the place had been closed while Kat & I
were engaged.  George was under the impression my 30 minute lap dance
only cost me (David actually) $20.  Dream on George (and Bob).

Next stop, Lori's diner.  It was the usual ASS-C diner scene except
with no Tiki.  I'm glad that Siren joined us.  I wanted to chat with
her a bit but Bubba had her squirreled away in the corner.  Or maybe
it was her-him.  Not much happened.

I take that back; I got to chat face to face with
net.legend.david.saxbeat.  It was nice.  But he was not wearing a
bikini and his chromosomes are XY rather than XX so there is only so
much that even he could do for me.  He is a wonderful gentleman though
and if I had the XX chromosomes I'd let him grovel at my divine feet
to pay me $20 to give Bob Smyth wanna-bees a chance at heavenly
pleasures.

I downed a few cups of coffee to prep my reflexes for dark 4 legged
antlered critters looking for food in the #2 lane of 280.

My fuel-injected 3 Liter straight-six got me home before first light.
Eventually my head hit the pillow about 4:15am.

-Bob "and the CENTER of the universe" Smyth