To: alt.sex.strip-clubs@anon.penet.fi Subject: SNAGGY advice: Dating Strippers=Bad Idea --text follows this line-- Bob Smyth here with some free advice: If you date a stripper, keep in mind that you are facing some "Stiff" competition. Some of the guys who frequent strip clubs might be losers, but the following types of males have been known to hit on strippers at work: Fighter Pilots The American President Astronauts Professional Athletes Testosterone Poisoned Frat Guys Oragami Experts Cops Movie Stars Bull Riders Rock Stars Mafia Guys Mad Scientists Rodeo Clowns and last (but certainly not least) Short-bony-butted-Oriental-guys who drive Mercedes So I'm warning you; it's a bad idea to fall in love with a stripper. If you do, you might have a converstion like this with your shrink, "Hello Bob. How are we doing today?" Bob: "Not very well. I just want to cry. I'm not suicidal but I would like to stay in bed all day." Dr: "Did something upset you Bob?" Bob: "Yes, I was dating a stripper and everything was going great. She liked my pajamas. I liked her pajamas. We shared pajamas. We went on picnics. We made love in the rain. We shared candle lit dinners. It was perfect. But then ... (a cascade of tears)" Dr: "Here is a paper towel. Just let it all out." Bob: "But then at work one night she met Bill Clinton. He took her for a ride in the space shuttle. She came home and told me that I'm dull and she is dumping me for Bill. Right now they are going on a cruise in 'Sub-1' (Presidential Nuclear Submarine)" "Doc, she RIPPED my heart out and STOMPED that sucker flat! (more tears)" Dr: "Times up. See you next week Bob?" I guess what I'm saying in a general way is to stay away from Low Mileage women: Strippers Engineers Lawyers Doctors Police Women So who are the High Mileage women? They are the ones who aren't around men. Ones who spend most of their time around kids, old people, and other women. High Mileage women: Day Care Workers Teachers Nursing Home Nurses 411 operators Secretaries Single Moms Establishing a business relationship with a Stripper might not be such a bad idea. In this arrangement, your wallet will add some juice to your "relationship power supply". That's assuming of course you have a BIG wallet. How big? A Travellin' Man sized wallet would be about right. Correction: A Travellin' Man sized wallet after he has sold his first 1,000,000 silk boxer shorts. Also the fact that you are paying for company should make the rules of the relationship pretty clear: You pay->She stays. This is perfect for a rich guy who wants to avoid barnacle type women. Personally, I like relationships where the unspoken rules are clear. Of course if she is a dominatrix, unspoken rules do not exist; she will TELL you what the rules are. Most of my relationships have involved unspoken rules. For example, I had a girlfriend who got pissed at me whenever we were togther and I did not include her when I ate something. Raiding the fridge was ver-boat-en. We had to "share" our meals. She went postal on me one night when I started munching on some chips while she was fixing dinner. I'm glad she didn't have a gun (I'll cut her some slack she was tired and hungry). She kinda scared me though. I spent a few moments looking at the phone trying to remember the number for 911. Oh, and then I had another one who had a weird rule. One night she was menstruating (sp?) and we decided on (actually I begged for it) oral sex. To make a long paragraph short, I came in her mouth. She looked up at me. She batted her eyelashes. She flashed me a big gooey smile and asked, "Do you know what it means when you come in my mouth?" Me: "Uhh,,, We had a good time??" Her: "Nooo. It means we are 'going steady'". Me: "I didn't know that!" "Answer me this, back in 11th grade, I was dating Mellisa McMillan. We were going steady, but she never let me come in her mouth. Life is not fair." . -Bob "pajama clad Commander in Chief" Smyth .