Subject: What do girls want?
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#>She yawns...
#>She meows in her sleep...
#>She purrs in my ear...
#>
#>The end.
#     
#The end?!?  Not in MY dream.
#   
#Kat  
# 

I write the woman a poem and it's not good enough.
Oh well, at least I tried.

What do girls want?

I venture out for some expert opinions.

I call Cyndi Lauper on the phone:

"Cyndi, Bob here; hows it goin?"

"Fine Bob; what's up?"

"Cyndi, What do girls want?"

"That's an easy one Bob.  Girls just want to have fun!"

"Thanks Cyndi, Bye."

Girls just want to have fun.
Sounds reasonable.

I seek a second opinion.
I send e-mail to Weird Al Yankovic containing the above question.

He responds:
>Bob,
>
>Good to hear from you!
>The answer to your question is on the back of my CD entitled,
>"Dare to be Stupid".
>Which is available at most record stores.
>
>-Weird Al
>

I go to Wherehouse.
They don't have a new copy, but I did find one in the Used CD
Bargain Bin for $6.99.

I buy it.

I turn it over and sure enough, clear as KY Jelly, is my answer:
Track #8:  "Girls Just Want to have Lunch".

Sounds reasonable.  Actually I like Al's answer better.  I like
to think Men are just like Women except some minor differences:

 -Plumbing
 -Men cause 95% of Society's problems

If you ever bump into the "Dare to be Stupid" CD, play the track
called "Eat it".
It's a take off of Michael Jackson's "Beat It" which just might kill
you laughing.  A true comic masterpiece.

Next I venture over to the Crazy Horse on Market street to gather data
for my deep question.

I wander in and notice the infamous strobe.  It instantly scrambled my
brain waves to the point that I forgot why I was there.  In about 15
minutes, maybe 40 girls asked me if I wanted a lap dance.  I just
shook my head.  I would have liked to explain to them about my
research project but the music was cranked up so loud that I'm certain
1/2 of them had hearing damage.  I'm glad I don't work there.

In retrospect it looks like Al was more right than Cyndi.  Few of the
girls in there looked like they were having fun and many of them looked
like they really liked lunch.

What's Kat want?

I think she wants respect.

I respect her courage for sharing her thoughts with us.

I respect her tenacity for clawing her way out of a bad work environment
at the NC.

I think eventually she will do okay.  With her artistic talent and some
entrepreneurial zeal, she will find financial security.

A few years from now perhaps the following phone call will occur:

ring, ring, ring, ring

"Hello?  Bob Smyth here."

"Bob, Hi this is Kat."

"Hi Kat!  What can I do you for?"

"Bob, get your ass over here. I NEED sexual services."

"Kat, I just left there an hour ago. Can't you wait a day?
I have chores to do; I need to wash my pajamas."

"Bob, I need you now."

"Okay, okay, okay, I'm on my way.  But please don't make me dress up
like Cyndi Lauper again okay?"

But what choice would I have?
An ass-c philosopher once said: Pussy=Control.

That's the story of my life.

-Bob "I just wanna have sex" Smyth